Wean Day 3: Backpeddling

Today's only feed (breakfast at 7:30am) went well.  But Reide's swallowed VERY little food today.  Even if she'd swallowed 100% of what she'd put in her mouth, it still wouldn't be enough though.  Play Picnic #3 went great and we had the best eater we've had yet to show Reide what it's all about....unfortunately, she couldn't have cared less.  She ate less than she's eaten at the previous 2 picnics, but not sure how much her congestion is playing into this.

She's  got a cold but it almost seems like she can't breath when she's trying to eat.  When she's working on something in her mouth, her breathing gets really loud and heavy.  Her therapist says that she CAN handle what we're giving her.  I don't know.  It seems like she's lost the suck-swallow-breathe coordination.  I suspected that a while back when she quit eating then restarted (wayyyy back...like in June) then quit eating altogether.  Back then, she'd try to suck a bottle and would take a few deep draws, then pull off and take big deep breaths and go back to the bottle. Hmmm....definitely need to get in contact with my two SP's and see what they think.

We took her for a weight check:  She's lost 11oz in 48 hours.  Not good.  Probably going to give her some Pedialyte boluses tonight.  She'll also get her 10pm feed....this is the last night she'll get this feed.  But honestly, if she doesn't pick up the eating soon, I don't know how long we'll keep going.  This seems crazy now that we're doing it!!!  Funny that I was so sure when we started planning her wean that she could definitely do this and now I'm not sure she can, at all.  Definitely feeling like we should just go to Austria and let the professionals do this.  I too emotionally involved to run this show.  Ahhh, finally, I admit it:  I'm in over my head.  Reide's problems are bigger than me, bigger than the resources available to me.    

You know, I told someone today (can't remember who, now, bc the day is just all running together) that if Reide were still on formula then this would be easier.  But on BD, she's grown, flourished, gained weight and had the longest "healthy" stint she's ever had.  She generally doesn't retch/vomit her BD and she hops out of the high chair happy and like nothing ever happened.  Oh, AND we've been able to cut out her 2am feed and she's STILL GAINED!!!  On formula, she would start the reflux cough about 1/2 way through a feed, then be uncomfortable and vomit after nearly every feed.  So if the alternative was less attractive then it'd be easy to do this, but the bottom line is that the alternative was working......

So, I'm obviously trying to talk myself out of the wean.  I'm trying to rationalize quitting before we've really even begun.  I've got to get to the SP's tonight though, so, until tomorrow....